My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
