I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
