i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
