I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
