I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
