i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
