Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize