Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
