my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
