Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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