For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
