Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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