I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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