I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
