So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
