Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
