PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
