capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Congratulations! We have a period
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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