'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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