Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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