you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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