I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
