I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
