Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
