i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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