Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
