This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
