Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
