She's JV to your varsity
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
