Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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