After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
