Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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