i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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