OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.