so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!