i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?