i just wanna soil my oats bro
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.