I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter