I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
