i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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