Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
