I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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