dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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