Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
