I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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