Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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