guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
