Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
