it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
