It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!