Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.