tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.