I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.