Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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