I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
