I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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