ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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