Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
