If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
