I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
