I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
