Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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