Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
