worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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