New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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