No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
