I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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