i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
