Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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