you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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