would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
