every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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