There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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