So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
