my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
