Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
