you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
