youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
