Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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