Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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