Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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