My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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