I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
