I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
