we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
