My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
