I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize