I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
