You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
