Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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