even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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