Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
