With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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